How does infertility affect marriage? Guidance from a fertility coach.
Trying for a baby can be an exciting time in your relationship, but sometimes, it can be more complex. What may have started as a time of closeness can shift into a routine of ovulation charts, scheduled intimacy, and feeling like part of a science experiment. The excitement wears off, and what once brought you closer can start to feel like an endurance test.
While trying for a family can bring joy and connection, when it takes longer than expected, it can also bring strain, grief, and frustration. You may feel like you’re carrying the physical and emotional weight, while your partner might not always know how to express what they’re feeling or how best to support you. You may feel like you’re doing everything—tracking your cycle, adjusting your diet, taking supplements—and you’re exhausted. Your partner may want to fix this for you but doesn’t know how.
As a fertility coach, I see firsthand how this dynamic affects relationships. I’ve learned that it’s not only about overcoming fertility struggles—it’s about nurturing and strengthening your bond during this time. That’s why I focus not just on fertility but also on healing the energy and emotional blocks that can impact your connection as a couple.
How you both experience fertility challenges differently
Every couple’s experience is unique, but men and women often process fertility challenges differently, and understanding this is key to offering the right kind of support. Many women go through a whirlwind of emotions each month—a cycle of hope, disappointment, and starting over again. It can be overwhelming, and fertility can dominate your thoughts, focus, and sense of self, creating tension in your relationship.
As a couple, this emotional load may leave little room for connection or relaxation. You may feel isolated in your experience, consumed by uncertainty, and as though fertility is at the centre of everything. It’s easy to become disconnected from your partner during this process.
Your partner, on the other hand, may not have the same emotional outlets. They may want to offer support but feel lost, unsure of what to say or do. They may choose to stay quiet, worried about saying the wrong thing. And even though they may be really good at hiding it or coping, they too, feel the pressure but may not know where to turn for help. Recognising and understanding these differences is crucial for moving forward together.
The emotional and hormonal impact on women
The rhythms of the body while trying to conceive can bring emotional ups and downs, including mood swings, anxiety, and heightened emotions. Acknowledging these shifts is essential. Many women feel emotionally overwhelmed during this time, and showing compassion and patience is vital.
What helps:
Ask your partner to let yourself share your feelings without trying to “fix” things.
Ask them to offer emotional and physical support, whether that’s a warm hug or simply being there to listen.
Remind yourself that your worth isn’t tied to the outcome of this process.
Guidance on keeping your relationship strong
When trying for a baby becomes all-consuming, it’s easy to lose sight of the love and connection that brought you together. As a spiritual fertility coach, I help couples reconnect emotionally and energetically, clearing any triggers, tension or unspoken feelings that may be creating distance. Your relationship doesn’t have to get lost in the process. To welcome your baby, it’s important to nurture a shared sense of purpose, understanding, and connection—so you move forward as a team rather than feeling like you’re navigating this alone.
Shift the focus from conception to connection
When intimacy starts to feel like a job or a task, it takes a toll. Try to refocus on emotional closeness and joy in your relationship. Make time for each other without any expectations or pressure.
Try this: Plan a spontaneous date night or schedule regular date nights into the calendar and take turns to plan the event. Plan a weekend away, or do something that brings laughter and relaxation.
Let each other vent—without taking it personally
Sometimes, you just need to vent. It’s not about blaming your partner; it’s about being heard.
Try this: When emotions are running high, try saying, “I know this is hard. I’m here for you.” No need to fix anything—just listen.
Keep a sense of humour
Humour can ease tension and bring you closer. Laugh together about the craziness of the situation—the apps, the thermometer readings, the awkward timing or positions! Finding lightness in small moments can help shift the energy and restore connection.
Find support beyond each other
You might find comfort in friends or support groups, but your partner may feel isolated. It’s important for both of you to find ways to express your feelings and seek support—whether through therapy, a men’s group, or online communities.
Navigate loss together
If you’ve experienced pregnancy loss, it’s important to grieve in a way that honours both of you. Everyone processes loss differently, and that’s okay. Allow each other space but also find moments to come together and remember the love that remains.
Strengthening your connection with the support of a fertility coach
As a fertility coach, I help you navigate this time with more clarity and less stress. Together, we can uncover and heal the emotional and energetic blocks that may be affecting your relationship. Deep healing clears the air between you, allowing you to reconnect in meaningful ways and make space for your baby.
Remember: This isn’t just about making a baby—it’s about building a family together. Even in the tough moments, you are a team. Hold onto love, keep talking, and don’t forget to enjoy being a couple along the way.
Through spiritual coaching and medical intuition, I help identify and heal the root causes of emotional and relationship blocks. If you’re seeking compassionate fertility coaching, I’d love to support you.
Please connect by booking a Medical Intuition and Healing session or a free 20-minute connection call. www.sofia.nz
